As the football season comes to an end, I will finally have a little spare time to write again. The key word in description of this semester would have to be none other than busy. Other candidates might be strange, incredible, teaching, and at times a bit painful. School escalated to a new-found level of horrible. God created a team. It feels as though for the first time in five years I have the privilege of practicing with thirty-something brothers that truly love each other. New relationships have grown, some older ones have slipped away, and those hurt, yes.
God is good.
The most prominent concern I've been struggling with for the entire semester, it seems, is this. God's will. What to do. I'm well on the latter-side of high school, which means college is closer than seems possible. What bothers me moreso than college, though, is what happens after. Life.
I don't want to simply get through safely and find a good job. I want to further the Kingdom, whatever that looks like. I can't do that, of course. Not by myself. I need Him. I want to walk in His will, and I struggle daily with not knowing exactly what that means when it comes to decisions that I do have to make.
I want to pour my life into the gospel, and (contrary to popular belief) that doesn't necessarily mean working at a church. Whatever I do, whoever I marry, whatever my life looks like, I want the gospel to be at the forefront of my priorities. It's so easy to forget that real life starts after all the things we stress about in this life. Taking "risks" is much more an active part of ones life when they already know the end result, not of the risk, but of the purpose behind the risk.
I suppose the real issue, then, is not that I don't know God's will. Besides, His ultimate will is for me to love Him with everything and make disciples. Okay. Maybe the deeper problem has to do with me, trusting Him.
There's a strange kind of brokenness which occurs while choosing Him over something else. Not so much when you choose Him over something that isn't good, but much more so when you choose Him over something or someone that is good. Something that you want more than anything. Something you love. It hurts. Sometimes it hurts bad enough to put you flat on face in tears.
He is better.
There aren't many things in life that I've taught myself. Now, I don't mean teaching myself how to throw a football, or play guitar, or time-manage a life full of school. I haven't taught myself much, if anything, about who Christ is. Christ has taken that responsibility on Himself, and for good reason. Things I think are right are more often than not miserably...not right.
This post is shorter. Mostly due to the fact that I don't exactly have much to offer when it comes to trusting God. I'm still learning, and it's hard. But to whoever does happen to read this, I guess I write this in encouragement. Trust Christ. He is good. He is better.
