Saturday, April 26, 2014

The Joy of Being Blessed

     I few weeks ago I wrote about being blessed. Specifically about keeping in mind that blessings shouldn't be taken for granted, or used. About how you have not been blessed to simply be blessed, but to be a blessing. Finally, that being blessed does not make you less desperate than anyone else. That Jesus is not only all you need but all you really have. Ringing a bell?
     While all of this is true, I would like to touch on another side of the matter. Joy. The Joy of Being Blessed. 
     Now, before saying to yourself "Ah, yes. I should never forget that being blessed does bring with it a sense of happiness...", I'm afraid I must stop you from further damaging the concept. I am not expressing my love for the things I have nor am I encouraging you to do so either. By all means be thankful for material profit, but seriously there is SO much more to the story. Hang tight. 
     Honestly, this topic is a bit beyond me. Perhaps the reason stands that it's it's late and I should be sleeping, but however the means I can hardly comprehend this. I'll try my best to reiterate. Ready?
     God has given me so much. Parents who love me unconditionally. Siblings who besides the occasional scurmish love and support me as well. Friends, no- brothers and sisters who literally strive everyday just to grow, encourage each other, and learn to depend soley on Christ. So much. I take it for granted often times. I suppose I just don't know how to appreciate things for what they really are, but nonetheless I've come to a conclusion. Just as God has blessed you to be a blessing, He has also blessed you for one reason. To grow you closer to Him. Think about it. Everything God gives you, takes from you, puts you through, convicts you of, it's all for one purpose. To grow your love for Him. To gain a richer relationship with Him. Everything that God puts in your life has a common initiative, and the ultimate ending involves you falling into His arms in a desperate love. Being blessed to be a blessing? It's for the same reason as well! God can and will use anything in your life for a greater good, blessing others included. 
     Side note. It's not easy. Most if the time I've found that it really, really sucks. It's hard. I don't like it, but the ultimate goal is so awesome compared to the hardship required in the mean time. Speaking from experience, the hardest ones tend to grow you the most.
     This week keep in prayer. Pray that God will continue to mold you into the son or daughter that He inteds you to be, no matter what it requires. Continue praying for me as well. Personally I'm going through a tough time of molding, and even though I know it's taken care of, it's simply not the most pleasant experience meanwhile. Think about what you are going through right now, or have gone through in the past. How did it grow you? Change you? 
     Thank you so much to those of you who have consistently kept up with this blog. It means a lot, really. It's a true blessing to have a place if literary refuge, and I'm glad I have people interested in growing along with me.

Saturday, April 19, 2014

To Win My Soul

4/19/14 - 10:35pm
     I feel so unqualified.

     I am beyond pathetic at following Christ. How many times I've strayed, neglected Him for something else - someone else. Something stupid. As a matter of fact, that's the very reason there was no post last week. I didn't get too busy, or forget, or just decide to put it off because I didn't feel like it. The real reason that nothing was written as of last week was because of my lack of qualification. Or at least the disturbance I'm left with when I feel unqualified. I don't usually prefer to use this word but to be blatantly honest on how I feel, I suck at this. Really suck. And trying to write about God's grace and impact on my life while neglecting grace and not allowing for any impact is so hypocritic I can't even stand myself. I mean just trying to encourage others, all while deliberately turning away from what I'm attempting to turn others towards through writing - it's sick. When I'm not right with Jesus, my words mean nothing. 

4/20/14 - 7:02am
     It's Easter morning. Just letting that sink in. The anniversary of - everything important. My everything. My hope. Just think. To be desperately hopeless. Miserably corrupted. Suddenly free. Everything wrong in life was perfected and made new in one morning. By the resurrection of Christ it was instantly different. Death our punishment, conquered. The previous inevitable, turned to hope. I can't even comprehend.
     How I continue to neglect His ever present grace I don't know but trust me when I say that in this moment I don't care. I don't care that I'm not enough or that I continue to fail over and over again or that nothing I do can ever suffice because in this moment, I am reminded of how free I am. Yes, there are times when I feel closer to God than others, and I should always strive to be serving God with everything in me, praising Him. But even in the moments of complete failure, desperation, stupidity, how much can I really do? How much can I do to overtake what Jesus has done on this morning? 


This post is a bit on the short side. It's not me being lazy, it's just Jesus leaving me speechless. This morning, today, this week - thank your Jesus. Remember what He has won. What He endured in order to win. Dwell in His presence and simply relish in how much He completely adores you. As the mighty lyrics proclaim:

Praise the One who climbed the hill,
And stormed the very gates of hell,
Went to war with death itself,
To win my soul.

Happy Easter.

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Love and Abandon

     I'm not entirely sure how to begin writing on this topic. It's not awkward, necessarily. It's not something that I am unfamiliar with, either. I'm very familiar, actually. I just don't know how else to start than by stating the typical, stupid little line:

     There's this girl.

     You've heard it before from other hormonally challenged, emotionally driven teenagers. Yes, I think about her all the time and she is absolutely beautiful with her big eyes and adorable smile that makes her dimples shine and her nose scrunch up and everything and how she laughs and even talks. Trust me, I'm not writing this as a way of venting to the internet my girl problems, although if that's the route you thought this was taking I certainly don't blame you. It's common.
     Recently I've been struggling (and by recently I mean more like two years or so). As stated, I think she's absolutely beautiful. I'm drawn to her, obviously. She stands out, she's different, and I feel pretty pathetic writing this (que the struggle). 
     I feel so out of place feeling like this. Like, there are so many people in my life that I thoroughly love. All of which I rightly should, too. At this point in my life I know that my love should aspire toward Christ, family, friends, enemies, and everyone in between. I feel as though it's not time to love someone, a certain girl in particular, in this way. It's confusing, and I think that the majority of teenagers react to this kind of confusion via relationships, AKA: "The Dumbest Thing One Can Accomplish in High School". 
     Fine, that may have been a bit strong. There are high school "couples" that have it figured out, and that's great. I know some. I love them and look up to how they strive to serve Jesus together. However, truth be told, I know literally three couples like this. I take that back after realizing that two of these couples are now in college. One. I know one couple out of everybody. If I'm being judgmental Lord help me but no one else, at least from what I can see from my point if view is dating in high school with the right intentions. Even if their intentions aren't even morally bad, they are not focused on Christ. 
     Excuse my rant, because that entire thing doesn't have much to do with my point....
     My point, I suppose, is that (personally) the last thing I want to do is pursue her - now. I love her. Not out of feeling or emotion, because if everything was based off of those two horrible things then this entire post is not worth your time reading or mine writing. I love her with purpose and affection, and I will show this love to her by abandoning myself, and waiting until God's perfect timing has arrived. I want her to grow in Christ. To become a tremendous woman of God. Someone who is absolutely on fire for Jesus, and I can already see all of this in her. I want her to be moved by Christ, loved by Christ, empowered every day by Christ. This is also why I pray for her. Everyday I pray for her. Because between me and Him, He is so much better in every way. I pray for myself. That Christ will continue to move and mold me as well, so that I can be the husband that I am intended to be by God. I pray that if this woman is not set aside for me, that I will still continue to grow in Him! I still pray for her, for her own life and future husband. For my future wife, whoever she is, that she will grow in Him more and more each and everyday. To live for His glory is so much sweeter than chasing stupid desires. 
     This week, pray for me! I need it so much. I need Him. As much as I think I need more than that, I don't. Christ and Christ alone is where I need to be, where I want to be. I will continue to live in Him, everyday.